Lets explore my body together! (the longest one yet)

Or: Why I hate my body and why it is not for the reason one might think (you bastard!)

Some people find me attractive, some don't, and I don't really give a crap about all that. I am fairly comfortable with my body, and very fond of it. It is, however, not always fond of me back. Before I continue here, I need to say that my so called problems with my body are peanuts compared to the very serious and real health issues of other folks, including many that I know. All my respect to them. That will not stop me from hating my body from time to time.

"When nature comes collecting, it only wants you for your body" – Woods of Ypres

 

This meat bag that I control is a wonderful machine. Commercials will tell you that it only needs pure water from a secret glacier to run. This is of course utter nonsense, it needs lots of other stuff too. hate

This is one of the reasons we are given medicines*. Maybe you didn't get quite enough of this, or too much of that, so now you need pills to make things better. Eating the wrong stuff at an airport in the Baltics, will make a strong man weak as a kitten. Actually it made me wake up one night and realize I was singing loudly to the wall. That was fun. So the body is indeed a finely tuned piece of machinery, and as such very susceptible to various things going horribly wrong with it.

Now, throw a brain into the equation. The brain is just another body part, or organ if you will, and I'm not going to go looking for soul or "ultimate observer" here. (We can play with those concepts later.) Your brain will suffer the same failings as the body, and when that happens, well then we are in a bit of trouble, yes indeed.

Right now, I'm taking a handful of something called Sarotex every night, because I've injured my back. My back will supposedly be fine in due time, but until that time, pain will be an issue, hence medicine. The thing is that sarotex is used both against pain and depression. In addition to sarotex I also take another handful of medications every day, including a very mild anti-depression drug. So now I have two of those. The reason I have to take sarotex instead of other painkillers, is because the stomach refuses to play nicely, and so I'm already on acid inhibitors, thus removing a lot of medicinal options, for medical hocus pocus reasons I do not know. Then there is the allergy pills and the wonderful inhaler that fights an ongoing battle with the tar in my lungs.

This marvelous combination makes my body more or less work, but it also makes my head feel slightly peculiar, I tend to fall asleep if given half a chance, and when I wake up it feels like the body and the brain went to different parties, and the "me" was not invited to any of them. hate

As I now live alone and work somewhat separate from my coworkers, I find myself having to question my own sanity.** This may sound extremely odd or alarming, but I assure you that this is not a cry for help from a borderline personality. I just find it healthy to check in with myself every now and then to see if the medication is playing pranks on the brain. And let's face it, mostly I've only got Potatobeak the Cat to bounce ideas off, and she isn't really a good indicator as to what is considered normal behavior.*** Happily, I find myself sound of mind, if not of body, and writing a blog about hate. I'm a sane man in an insane world. I've heard that crazy people don't realize what they are. I often question and suspect things of my brain, so that is surely a good indication. I also suspected brain damage from back in the days, when I used to try knocking out the street lights with my head****, and I actually got a scan saying my brain was just fine. Hooray for healthy brain.

But there are other bodily problems to hate. Like the time half my face became paralyzed. For no good damn reason. It is supposedly common, but the doctor had no idea why it happened. It didn't bother me all that much, and it was even quite entertaining, could pretend I was Harvey Dent. I didn't even notice what was going on until I brushed my teeth and kept leaking water and spit down one side of my chin. Then I couldn't blink, and had to get an eye patch, and could pretend I was a pirate. I regained about 98ish% of muscle control, but one of my eyes don't always cooperate with the rest of the face. Brain and mouth don't work too well together either. This isn't as great an issue as it used to be, but it would be nice if they both agreed. These things****** could possibly explain some of my unusal high getting-thrown-out-from-the-pub ratio, which I of course hate.

The most serious case of body and brain not agreeing (in a non-lethal way), is the case where your brain says I'm this gender, and the body just goes nope. Then you can hate your body for the rest of your life, or, because happily we are technologically advanced enough, fix it.

Is it ok to hate other people's bodies? Sure, but they seem to hate them plenty enough by themselves. The people and the bodies that they indeed are, and apparently hate themselves, that I hate right back, are the pro ana/pro mia/thinspiration people. (Some people are seriously fat. I don't hate them, but if someone had a "pro eating yourself to death agenda", I would hate them in a heartbeat.)****** Yes, I do indeed recognize eating disorders as an illness and fully realize that it is a huge problem to the people so afflicted, but when resourceful people with or without eating disorders attempt to glorify the illness as a choice of lifestyle, I just want to punch them*******. That type of illness is not created by the media as many think, but goes a long way back in history. What media does, however, is to make the situation soooo much worse. So we're not only betrayed by the body (and the brain), we are also betrayed by the rich and the powerful that "common people" allow to dictate what is beautiful and what isn't, be it the glamorous people themselves or the mega-corps behind the scenes. This is a great time to point back to the post about music industry and the music porn. That is because of the everything is connected to everything else rule. I intend to use it a lot, and it is thus important. Because I said so. No, it will not lead to a revelation of how illuminati rules us all from their hollow-earth land, it is simply what it says. Everything is connected to everything else. If you happen to be a physicist, just be quiet and agree.

The last subject in this post, is the nature of vaccines. Read my lips – THEY ARE GREAT!

Like all medication they cause side effects, some quite horrible if you are unlucky. Vaccines have in recent years gotten a lot of attention, much of it bad and much of it from conspiracy theory nuts. Now, it is a good thing to be critical to and make rational demands from modern medicine, but to just say that vaccines are bad, is moronic. Tuberculosis is on its way back, several cases found right where I live. How will we deal with HIV/AIDS in Africa? Free condoms don't seem to work. How about tetanus? The vaccine is really great if you, say, cut yourself on unidentified trash and want to improve your odds of not dying. "But those are the good old shots", the hippies that fear illuminati yell, "it's the new ones we are afraid of". Oh, like the various bird/pig/cow/whatever flu vaccines, you mean? "Yes, those, they are not properly tested! They are rushed out on the market to capitalize on fear!" Weeeeeel, maybe, maybe not. hate But the thing you have to remember about those vaccines, is that you kind of need them as that particular flu or super-bug is happening. Worst case scenario is that you test them for a long time and then it is too late,hundred of thousands are dead, and a vaccination program can do blog all, because the epedemic is too far gone. hate

How the hell can we hope to put an end to diseases, if we refuse to take vaccines? Just treat the symptoms instead of getting rid of the illness? That will be good fun when you get bit of a dog that looks like it might have rabies. Of course it is your choice what shots and vaccines you get, you shouldn't get forced to take them, just don't be a total moron about it. That is all I ask. Maybe I got half my face paralyzed because of one of the many, many vaccines I've taken. I dont know, but it is certainly a risk I'm willing to take. You know what they say;

"It's better to get half your face paralyzed than being dead" - people

For my own pleasure and possible horror, I will now continue to list all known side effects of all medication I'm currently on.

Or so I thought. The list would take days to edit. The list will not be complete, not include all medications, and probably repeat itself several times. Layout will be horrible. I will not distinguish between common and super-rare side effects. It is a wonder I am alive. For so many reasons.

Insomnia, dizziness, sleepiness, headache, diarrhoea, feeling sick, dry mouth, ejaculation failure, fatigue.

headache

constipation, stomach pains, feeling or being sick, wind, dry or sore mouth or throat

skin rash, itching

changes in liver function test values

tiredness.

depression

joint or muscle pain

fluid retention or swelling

changes in blood cell counts

fracture of the hip, wrist or spine.

fever

restlessness, drowsiness, confusion, hallucinations, insomnia, visual disturbances, vertigo

a change in the way things taste, loss of appetite, inflammation of your tongue (glossitis)

skin reactions such as burning or pricking feeling under the skin, bruising, reddening and excessive sweating

sensitivity to light

hair loss

feelings of ants creeping over the skin (paresthesia), trembling

sore throat, loss of appetite, increased appetite 

feeling strange, nightmare, anxiety, agitation, nervousness, decreased sexual interest, teeth grinding, numbness and tingling, shaking, muscle tense, abnormal taste, lack of attention, visual disturbance, ringing in ears, palpitations, hot flush, yawning, abdominal pain, vomiting, constipation, upset stomach, gas, rash, increased sweating, muscle pain, sexual dysfunction, erectile dysfunction, chest pain.

Chest cold, runny nose, hallucination, feeling too happy, lack of caring, thinking abnormal, convulsion, involuntary muscle contractions, abnormal coordination, moving a lot, amnesia, decreased feeling, speech disorder, dizziness while standing up, migraine, ear pain, fast heartbeat, high blood pressure, flushing, breathing difficulty, possible wheezing, shortness of breath, nose bleed, oesophageal problem, difficulty swallowing, haemorrhoids, increased saliva, tongue disorder, burping, eye swelling, purple spots on skin, hair loss, cold sweat, dry skin, hives, osteoarthritis, muscular weakness, back pain, muscle twitching, night-time urination, unable to urinate, increase in urination, increase in frequency of urination, problem urinating, vaginal haemorrhage, female sexual dysfunction, malaise, chills, fever, weakness, thirst, weight decreased, weight increased.

anaemia (paleness)

kidney problems

pancreatitis

inflammation of the liver (may be seen as yellow skin or eyes)

breast swelling in males, impotence

intestine problem, ear infection, cancer, swollen glands, high cholesterol, low blood sugar, physical symptoms due to stress or emotions, drug dependence, psychotic disorder, aggression, paranoia, suicidal thoughts and behaviour, sleep walking, premature ejaculation, coma, abnormal movements, difficulty moving, increased sensation, sensory disturbance, glaucoma, tear problem, spots in front of eyes, double vision, light hurts eye, blood in the eye, enlarged pupils, heart attack, slow heart beat, heart problem, poor circulation of arms and legs, closing up of throat, breathing fast, breathing slow, difficulty talking, hiccups, blood in stool, sore mouth, tongue ulceration, tooth disorder, tongue problem, mouth ulceration, problems with liver function, skin problem with blisters, hair rash, hair texture abnormal, skin odour abnormal, bone disorder, decreased urination, urinary incontinence, urinary hesitation, excessive vaginal bleeding, dry vaginal area, red painful penis and foreskin, genital discharge, prolonged erection, breast discharge, hernia, injection site scarring, drug tolerance decreased, difficulty walking, abnormal laboratory tests, semen abnormal, injury, relaxation of blood vessels procedure.

candidiasis (fungal infection, may affect skin or the mucosa) 

angioedema, such as swollen face, tongue or pharynx, difficulty to swallow, hives and difficulties to breath.

severe hypersensitivity reactions including shock. Symptoms of a hypersensitivity reaction may include fever, rash, swelling and sometimes a fall in blood pressure

inflammation of your mouth (stomatitis)

colitis (bowel inflammation)

changes in test values such as sodium, cholesterol and triglyceride levels

very severe skin reactions with reddening, blistering, severe inflammation and skin loss.

an autoimmune disease of the skin known as Cutaneous lupus erythematosus

Decrease in white blood cells, decrease in clotting cells, low thyroid hormones, endocrine problem, diabetes, high blood sugar, low blood salt, terrifying abnormal dreams, headache, muscular movement problems (such as moving a lot, tense muscles and difficulty walking), passing out, confusion, light-headedness, vision abnormal, unequal pupils, bleeding problems (such as nose bleed, stomach bleeding, or blood in urine), pancreatitis, serious liver function problems, yellow jaundice, skin oedema, skin reaction to sun, itching, joint pain, muscle cramps, breast enlargement, menstrual irregularities, swelling in legs, problems with clotting, and severe allergic reaction.

An increased risk of bone fractures has been observed in patients taking this type of medicine.

Terryfing dreams and nightmares

Hate.

*Instead of a bottle of water.

**Something I would highly recomend more people to do frequently.

***Cat acts as a parrot and wants to be a lion. She told me so.

****Ah, those were the days. Don't ask.

*****And me being me, and possibly looking like a junkie on the best of days.

******Looking at you, McD.

*******But I can't, cause I'm afraid they would snap like dry twigs.