The numbers game. (Stupid dogs, dying gorillas, we hate the right-wing politics. Also Jennifer Lawrence naked)

Yet another dark and rainy night, the man and the cat remains the same.

Cat: Get down on your knees and worship me. Also, it would make it easier for me to lick your ears.
Me: Not now, I'm not in the mood. My time these days is strictly for killing digital people online and brooding.
Cat: Your cooperation is appreciated but not necessary, I have these claws here...
Me: Oy, stop it, you little devil spawn! No means no! Are you aware it has been suggested that I add a dog to this blog? An idea that seems better by the minute, by the way.
Cat: What?
Me: Yes, introducing a stupid but lovable pup to counterbalance all your... devilry.
Cat: What?
Me: I admit, it sounds a bit like the "Get Fuzzy" comic, but I doubt it wo-
Cat: WHAT?!
Me:  A dog.
Cat: Here?
Me: I suppose so.
Cat: But you don't have a dog. You don't need a dog, it would be like clamp on your foot, making demands on you.
Me: Yes, not like you at all.
Cat: Exactly. And everyone knows dogs are stupid and they can't talk. It would be a burden in your life and useless to the blog. And introducing imaginary, talking animals is out of the question, right?
Me: Point taken, no dogs in Casa del Hate. Now, go away and leave me and my brooding alone.
Cat. Why the mood?
Me: The numbers. The dreadful algebra of necessity.



An article was recently pointed out to me as particularly good news. It was about various reports on how good life on this earth has become. Studies saying that life expectancy has increased. There are fewer wars. Less poverty. So as Potatobeak Cat would say*, I want to play a game. A game about numbers and logic and research.

There are more than 7000 000 000 souls on this planet, despite the 800 000 people taking their own lives every year. There is 326 million trillion gallons of water on Earth. 2-3% of this is fresh water. Most of it is frozen or too deep beneath ground to be utilized. Nestle is currently buying water rights left and right while claiming that fresh water is not a human right. The company themselves claim  "However, our global operations amount to only 0.0009% of worldwide estimated freshwater withdrawals." I can't be bothered to crunch those numbers or check what their own estimates of freshwater withdrawals actually are. It is, however, a lot of water. When the war for oil is over, I predict the war for water, if it doesn't begin before the oil runs out, that is.

Perspective is a funny thing. It's funny because it seems to be playing a game of hide and seek, often showing up long after the game is over. The United States of America is the protector of the free world, the champion of freedom and liberty. Our own government is looking to USA for direction and it seems that the parties currently in charge would like Norway to become a small-time version of our American friends. They seem to lack perspective, and so does USA.

In the land of the free and home of the incarcerated, one in every 31 adults was in jail, on probation or parole in 2008. Almost one in ten of African Americans were in jail or being monitored. In 2011 about 2,9% of all adults in the US were under correctional supervision. That's almost 7000 000 people, more than the entire population of Norway. Private jails, private security, private army contractors, what a great idea.
In the book The Divide: American Injustice in the Age of the Wealth Gap, the author, journalist Matt Taibbi claims that "Poverty goes up. Crime goes down. The prison population doubles.
Fraud by the rich wipes out 40 percent of the world’s wealth. The rich get massively richer. No one goes to jail." , and that you don't have to read sci-fi to find a dystopian future, we're indeed living in one right now. Perspective and numbers, what a joy. Yes, the wealth of the world's population is growing, but the divide between the many just around the poverty line and the very few filthy rich on the top is bigger than ever. The richest 1% of the world’s population are getting wealthier, owning more than 48% of global wealth, according to an article in The Guardian. 

There is the great Ebola scare, and Ebola is really scary, yes indeed. So is HIV/AIDS.  The current Ebola epidemic might have killed as many as 18 000, but less than 5000 deaths are actually confirmed. There are currently 35 000 000 world vide living with HIV/AIDS. More than 3.4 million people die each year from water, sanitation, and hygiene-related causes. Death by lack of clean water, that is.***

We are not totally sure how many nuclear weapons are around****, but probably somewhere around  16 300. We can only hope the owners remember where they put them all.

There are 143 800 000 Russians, and 1 Putin to rule them all. He seems to want more. This is the guy who said that the greatest tragedy in newer history, was the fall of the soviet union. Think about that.

880 - the population of mountain gorillas left in the world.


Yes, there might be fewer wars between nations, but the world is actually less peaceful, due to internal unrest within national borders. I'll even throw in a link, something I rarely do, mostly to prove my point and don't have the patience to type it all up.
http://www.psmag.com/navigation/business-economics/world-getting-less-peaceful-every-year-85360/

I like to get a feel for the broad perspective and let my guts come up with ideas, then let the brain do the mop-up work. As I've said before, hate with your brain and let your heart do other important things.**** So what is my gut and broad strokes-thinking  telling me?
Well.
I hate that saying "Things were better before." It seldom was. But how blogging terrible is it going to be when that saying is true? Because things are not peachy today. How far forward will we have to go for this to be true? Because things superficially might look good, but there are so many factors racing to a climax that we might not bare. There is a reason why physicists who kill themselves quote the laws of thermodynamics, the systems will deteriorate. If you are one of the privileged, maybe on the blue side politically, maybe fairly comfortable economically speaking, maybe even religious (and what a great safety net that is), yes, you'll probably be optimistic. I sense another trend. A very real fear that the world we know might collapse. The dreadful algebra. What will happen when the dollar implodes on itself? Because it will. What will you do when Nestle tell you to buy water from them because it is the only option? Because they might. Will we as a species feel lonely when we are the last big mammal on the planet? I suspect we will get additional existential angst. If our race doesn't crack first, that is. Then things will indeed have been better before. 


*And probably put on a mask and record the message.**
**It's a Saw reference, in case you didn't get it.
***Nestle is the world's largest food (and water) company in the world measured by revenues, btw.
****Strangely, the atomic powers are reluctant to give out exact numbers.
*****Like pumping blood.

The feminist problem and the lack of a final solution. (Mwahahaaha)

Time to get back on track, time to hate someone or something. So today, fine people, I shall hate feminism. Yes. I will hate the movement for equal rights. It annoys me. At the same time, I can't help but feel like I'm kicking a small puppy, it seems to be an easy target these days, and the movement has more schisms than a major religion. And yet, it annoys me. Probably because I'm a man.* Where is my world wide movement for equal rights? Celebrating manliness, beards and close study of the penis? Can we please get some focus on penis art? No, don't point at some phallic symbol, that doesn't count, I want some guy with a really long beard painting stuff with his schlong and naming it "Ode to my sack". That being said, there are plenty of women that are fed up by so called feminism, and different types of feminists that don't really get along with "those other feminists". That is usually a sign of something gone wrong. Not horribly let's-make-pipes-of-asbestos-wrong, but wrong enough to irritate the blog out of me. So let's have look.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.  
― Gloria Steinem

In the developed western world**, women have in general, reached equality. Well, at least they can vote, and that's what it was all about back in the days. In a logical world, the movement should have ended right there, I mean, think about it. You want the right to this and that? Well, good for you women, so do I, so I vote for the politician or party that will give me that. Or something approximating this and that, as the world isn't quite ready to recognize my this and that needs. Anyways, seems straight forward to me. But alas, I hear you scream it isn't so, and the evil patriarchy has thwarted your plans. What, who? The freemasons? Illuminati? Men in general? In all fairness, there are some valid points when statistics show an overabundance of men in some key positions, the problem is that those key positions are niches that have precious little to do with most people. Those key positions will not magically be filled by women, just by shouting "No means no".

Yes, no does indeed mean no. That phrase shows that you have mastered 2 words and possibly the understanding of one, but I have already covered this topic here: http://ihatetohatethethingsihate.blogspot.no/2014/04/sex-and-violence-one-where-we-poke-bear.html
***
Anyways, it seems rather straight forward to me. Women are smarter than men. They are better students, they mature faster and they get a running start at school where the boys kind of come limping after them. It should only be a matter of time before women surpass men on most fronts, education (and voting) is the key here. I don't have the numbers, but I'm willing to bet my neighbor's life that the percentage of women taking higher education has multiplied a few times the last 50 years.

So what is my big problem, really?

It could have something to do with a society beating itself to death with political labels and slowly dying under the weight of it's own morality and hypocrisy. The front page of the Spider Woman comic got a lot of flak from various fronts. If you don't know about it, use Google. The cover was made by an artist well known for his erotic work. That must be why she (miss spider) most of all resembles a giant penis, but that was not what the complaints were about. The body is too well defined, the pose is sexualized, blabla. When has any comic book superhero not been wearing revealing super-tight costumes? Are you seriously trying to tell me that the super guys don't show off their firm, muscular thighs, abs and buttocks? You even get quite a fait amount of "junk shots" from time to time. You know what is going on under that well-defined bulge. If I remember correctly it was even an alternative cover.
And while I'm on that topic, I want to throw out some names of franchises, like 300 and He-man. I mean, holy cow, where to begin? In 300 every man is a muscle machine in a skimpy outfit.**** He-man and his crew of comrades and enemies all have one thing in common. They are insanely muscled and wear little clothing except for boots and some sort of furry loincloths, breastplate optional. Men are portrayed as bodybuilding killing machines, and not necessarily with a lot going on in the brains department, and they are just as easily objectified. The difference is that is only ok for women to publicly say they are objectified. The social stigma for a man to come out and say he is abused by a spouse, is huge compared to the other way around. If your girlfriend beats you, you would probably be told to hit back. What if you don't want to hit back? What if the abuse isn't physical. Manning up won't help.

Maybe my problem is Anita Sarkeesian.  Damn, she is clever. Or at least I hope she is, the alternative is depressing. Of course the amount of abuse and threats she has received is unacceptable and inexcusable. But was it unexpected? If you've played any games online for any time at all, you know what random abuse and threats you will get from random gamers. And that is for taking the wrong lane, shooting them or having a high ping. If I wanted controversy and media coverage, I would take on online communities and gamers in general too. Sarkeesian points to reddit and 4chan in particular, well big whoop, what a surprise. And what is it she wants exactly? Games for girls? Well, that is sexist. Less killing of random female npcs? They go in the same virtual mass grave as all the male npcs. Mario getting saved by the princess? Then I suggest someone makes a franchise of their own instead of making demands of fat mushroom-eating Italian plumbers. There is in fact, no one forcing women to buy games they don't like or keeping them from making the games they want to play. Is there a market for something, well fine, then the product can be made and sold. Last time I checked, the gender balance of active gamers was 50/40-something to the guys, so it can't possibly all be that bad.

Another problem could be the Radioresepsjonen debacle. It's a Norwegian comedy radio show, where one of the guys, yes, they are 3 guys, called a 19 year old so called "pink blogger", a fuck doll. Time to check our priorities. There is an ebola epidemic in Africa. Russia is semi invading Ukraine. People die from hunger every day. Some policeman, sorry, policeperson, probably shot another black kid in the US just now. Are we going to have a big discussion about this? They certainly have said far worse on many occasions. And let's face it, she really resembles a living doll. That you do stuff with. And the world has enough stupid blogs about fashion and cosmetics, bought and paid for by the producers of the products they recommend.
I'm not.*****

How about the stunt where a fictitious Norwegian 12 year old made a blog about how she was getting married to an adult. What if the feminist movement got behind those kind of things, wouldn't that be great? Maybe focus on female circumcision, the role of women in islam, the whole China and girls thing? But no, alas, it often comes down to men are evil, not enough female superheroes in practical body armor and no means no.
To me, the feminist label has become somewhat silly, outdated and hardheaded, all by their own doing. The same way I look at the animal rights label. You see I don't like the animal lovers either... I kind of hoped to smack them down too, but I see now I'll have to do that later. 

To conclude, I'll talk about my dear old grandmother again, gone for some years now, and a product of her time long ago. I recall her watching the news on tv and say in a somewhat incredulous  and surprised tone "Well this is something. I didn't know you could charge someone with rape when they are married to the "rapist". Tut, tut."
I think we all agree those times are behind us. Feminism, please become intelligent and relevant again.


*See what I did there?
**A stupid phrasing that doesn't really make sense, but people understand what you mean when you use it.
***I'm linking to my blog in my blog, hooray!
**** In real life they actually had armor. Because they were not Gerald Butler.
*****Any takers? Please? I'm cheap.

Riding the hippo and fisting the smoking pig. (Report from a rock festival)

It doesn't matter if it rains if you have 50 square meters of tarpaulin.

This isn't what I usually do, because I find that particular brand of blog (and most others) completely useless, navel-gazing and utter boring, but now I'll talk about what I did last week. If my hands will stop shaking.

I've done as I usually do, and spent my vacation in moderate discomfort at a music festival, as any sane madman indeed should do. The air is moist particles of filth, you are either hung over or insanely drunk, and there is a constant but somewhat pleasant ache in your body and soul. The smell is terrible outside and worse inside. If you are an amateur, your tent will be leaking and taking in water. You are either too hot, too cold and/or wet. If you are lucky you lose or break your stuff. If you are unlucky it gets stolen or someone else breaks your stuff. But god damn, I love that life. Yes, I use the "L-word". I'm not supposed to, but that is how strongly I feel about it, and Potatobeak the Hate-cat will forgive me in time.

Now, it might seem strange that I'm breaking out the big L gun for such a concept as festivals, especially when they do and are all the things I mention here, but I will attempt to clarify and also bring the hate back in.
First of all, I will say this; If you haven't been to a music festival, just stop reading, you won't get it. Just continue to molest goats or whatever it is you do with your time.
Secondly I will say that you have to stay in the festival camping area. Tent, car, trailer, it is all good. Hotels and such is cheating.
Then there is the whooper: Everyone should try to work as a volunteer at a festival at least once in their life. Not the crappy one or two days of serving beers or whatever, but the whole deal, getting the whole thing up and running and then tearing it all down again. If you are lucky, you can even get paid a pittance, and the serious work crew get the serious benefits and fun. There was a time when I did this, but it is a young person's game, and I'm not sure I could hack it anymore. Accidents will occur. There will be blood. Someone in the crew will get stuck between floors in a tiny food elevator.
Someone might get hit by Green Day's moving freezer. Stuff happens.* But all that and other war stories are in the past, so let's see what happened this year, with all play and no work.

Where and how.
So me and a couple of friends went to the getaway rock festival in Sweden. Why go all the way to Sweden for a festival that had a somewhat weak lineup? Sweden is cheaper than Norway, the food at the festival is awesome, and I had to book my vacation before the lineup was released, so there you go. Our heroic driver drove for 13 hours, we arrived after dark and planted our tents in the one random spot that was available. Our neighbors were somewhat skeptical to suddenly have what can only be described as  a waterproofed** cave on top of their tents, but the natives were friendly and soon sung us the songs of their people, and we got on superbly after that.

The music.
The biggest bands were probably Volbeat, Slayer and Dimmu Borgir.  None of them impressed, and I didn't stay for the full gig of any of them. Yet, all was not lost. Blues Pills delivered the best concert I've seen for many years. It was the closest I've come to dancing like a stoned hippie, and I don't even like hippies. And I don't dance. It was truly a wonder to behold, the purest form of old school rock, beautifully performed by everyone on stage.
Other bands that impressed the shit out of me were Black Star Riders, Big Elf and Skindred. Kreator, Opeth and Steel Panther was merely good fun. It is impossible to see all the band you want to see, and some of those you actually see disappoint. If I find a couple of new bands that surprise me in a good way, I count myself lucky.

The food.
Awesome. All of it.

What I've learned.
My faith in humanity has gotten a boost. Mostly because of the great people that hung at our camp, the camp that got so many name suggestions that no one stuck, but several were apt. Here are a few: Hate Camp (duh), The Hell Hole, Camp Issues, Little Norway, Fist and hippo Camp.
Anyways, stuff I've learned...
Riding a mechanical bull is harder than it looks.
Fresh pasta is the food of the gods.
Never touch Jesus' hair. Ever.
Fisting never gets old.
Swedes know Norwegian, it just takes some time for them to realize it.
There appears to be a huge market for frozen cubes of hippo sperm out there.
A good massage will take you a long way but not all the way.
Vegans can live a long time on bananas.
Never buy an expensive tent. You are going to ditch it in the end anyways.
You can get an awesome response of random people if you shout "do the thing!"
Always check that your ride home has not been dismantled by people who only meant to fix it.
Festival toilets and showers can be good fun.

So yes, I blogging love festivals. The high you get is awesome, but I hate the trip down when it is over. There is fear and loathing, shaking hands and paranoia. I suppose it is my meta drug of choice, and there is a flipside to everything.
Some of the people I met collected stuff. Scars, jokes, hugs, sexual conquests, other people's possessions and so on. Having the memory capacity of a hamster, try as best as I can to collect the memories of gigs and the people I met. They are the best. So thank you everyone, for sharing your warmth with me at that moment in time. I haven't laughed so hard for ages.

I am the hippo-whisperer.


*No one ever got killed on my watch. As far as I know.
**It doesn't matter if the forecast is hot and sunny, ALWAYS make your camp waterproof.***
***And how we laughed at the wet people when it rained.
****Really what is left of Thin Lizzy in disguise.

How many philosophers does it take to think about a lightbulb? (May contain triggers for all your issues and bad poetry)

Big, fat disclaimer: I don't have anyone I know in mind writing this. It is all about concepts and it is not about you. Really. Seriously.



I don't mind useless people. Sometimes there's just not a quivering hope that a person is going to amount to anything. He will not produce, create nor contribute anything useful or helpful to other people or society what so ever. Maybe someone just fade into the background never to be really noticed, or possibly they join the hundreds of thousands that just vanish from the grid never to be seen on the playing board again. They are mostly harmless. What I do mind, are pretentious, opinionated, useless people. You know, philosophers, poets and bloggers, and no, I don't consider myself useless, I contribute and provide many worthwhile services, just ask my cat. I also have an actual day job. But that is not the point, the point is that tonight I hate other philosophers, poets and bloggers.

Philosophy - the noble art of flexing your brain thinking about the big questions, or possibly - a mental note to yourself on how you want to live your life. The old-timers, you know, bearded men in togas, used to think about the world and mix science and philosophy. Sometimes they got things right, but mostly they got things utterly wrong*.  Most of what they thought of was utter insane nonsense. I'm no expert, but from what I've read and heard they were mostly fascist or communists or hippies. I care for none of those. Anyways, more than 1500 years later, some other demented people thought "Oh that's right, there were some old men who thought about stuff and didn't want to work, they had some GREAT ideas", and so they thought about more of the same stuff and got most of the science wrong again, but now they called it metaphysics. That would be what is on your curriculum if you study at Hogwarts, a theory that you like, backed up by magic. But hey, those people tried to figure out how stuff worked, so it can still be used as a manual in how to be mostly wrong about people, life and the universe.

These days we still study philosophy. The science is now in the analysis and the theory of the word. Do we need new philosophers and philosophy? That depends on how you apply your philosophy. If you utilize your thoughts about theories and abstracts in your everyday living and work, that is fine, but it has to be blogging applied. Thinking about ethics, morals and right and wrong, is every ones responsibility, and it shouldn't be a theory, it should be practiced.  If you want to write a sci-fi epic and use it as a vessel for your particular brand of philosophy, that's fine. That grounds it to the world. Super theories about everything removed from the actual world are abominations. If you just sit around all day wondering about how to define the theory of word and what a thought is - if a meter is a meter, then you need to apologize to your ancestors. No, not your great-great-grandparents. You need to apologize to the first semi-humans who figured out that they could use words for stuff they could eat and other words for stuff that would eat them. That was a blogging achievement, using words to define abstract thoughts that are meaningless to any reasonable person is rape of the idea of what language should be used for.

And, yes, speaking of the misuse of words. Poetry. I enjoy good poetry, but it is very hard to come by. There are many "writers" in the world, they produce mountains of mediocre, or just plain bad books. It is easier to write poetry, right? It is certainly less work to compose a collection of poems and flog it to an independent publisher, than spending years pondering plot holes and character development. If you want to publish your little collection and be a published poet, then here is a little tip from me: Don't. Please don't. Write it down and hang it your fridge. Frame it and hang it on the wall. Give it some time to grow on you. In private. Don't make people pay for it and give it away for christmas because they don't know what to buy for their whatevers. Spoken word poetry can be good or bad, but at least it doesn't collect dust on my shelves, so thumbs up for that.

To prove my point, I will now do poetry.** Don't try this at home.

First, a collaboration between me and Yeats. This is what I think he meant to say.***

    Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my hate;
I have spread my hate under your feet;
 So mind your fucking feet.

 

Now, I'll make it up, just like philosophy:

 

I wash my hands of hate

It flows down the drain with everything else

My hate floats around with your love

That you flushed down the toilet

The neighbor's hope mingles

With a random drop

Of lust

It is all connected and

Floats to the cleansing

Before the sea 

 



 

There you go, hate-poetry. My cat could do it. Anyways, I said I would be hating the bloggers too, but the only reason for this blog is that most other blogs suck, so there really isn't any need to say it more clearly. The only reason for this post is the fact that it is raining tonight and my environment has a reasonable temperature, so I had energy to be bored. Still working on the pub simulator.





*Except math.
**This is like chimps and elephants painting, everyone can do it.
***Again, I'm so very sorry.

Excuses made to a cat. (And porn)

Yes, It has been a while since last rant. This is now being mended, sort of, through this special episode of man vs cat.

Cat: As your lawyer, I recommend that you write more about your hate and things in general, and mayhap that you do something relevant. Like the dishes.

Man: But there is the summer sale on steam right now a-

Cat: Really, games are taking up all your time? Checked your priorities lately?

Man: Yes. I mean no.... Damn it, this is not a lawyer issue!

Cat: Then as your therapist, I highly recommend getting your shit together. And killing small animals for fun.

Man: Hah! You are not a certified shrink, you only have a law-degree.

Cat: This is true, but the point is still valid. Your brain is turning into a turnip. Too much computer games and stupid tv-series.

Man: At least I make a conscious decision when I use Netflix, I don't just watch whatever is on.

Cat: Bah! You binge watch Haven for Pete's sake.

Man: Well, Haven is based on the great works of Stephen King, and it is quite go-

Cat: Don't make me come over there and scratch you! When did tv productions of the King become a mark of quality? You know it is rubbish.

Man: It's rubbish. But-

Cat: No buts. I know the pub simulator game thing is hard to make, but you're going to do it now.

Man: I refuse, it is hard, it's too damn hot, and I started this blog when I was sick and didn't work full-time. I don't have the time nor the energy.

Cat: Then write something easy, you moron.

Man: Ok. I can do easy.

It has come to my attention that a healthy sex-life is good for you. People who have lots of sex are happier, healthier and live longer. This is bad, because using my own powers of logic, it means that people who don't have a healthy sex-life are unhappy, have poor health and die sooner rather than later. I'll probably be found dead somewhere any time soon. Luckily, as we all know, the internets is for porn. If sex keeps you alive, then porn is a life-support system, keeping those of us in need alive like a heart and lung machine does for a person who has been watching too much tv and become brain-dead. Are you in the danger zone? Do you feel weak and possibly dying from lack of sex? Go to your doctor and demand medicinal porn now!

Cat: I'm not impressed yet.

Man: You know I have big drafts, but-

Cat: But nothing. Go play your stupid games. Maybe you'll become sick from lack of sex and get some leave from work again. Then you can finish the pub simulator.

Man: No luck. Porn.

Cat: Right....

Music, lists and hate. (Really exactly what it says)

It is hard to be angry all the time, so I've revisited the topic of music on a happier note. We like music here at Castle of Hate. We also like lists. Logically, that leads to the following theme.

Music analysis with a touch of hate.

Who: The artist. Someone I've been listening to or seen live lately.

What: What a random song probably will be about.
Hates: What they hate. May be a wild guess here.
Quote: A song title, snippet of lyrics or something suitable

Who: Blind Guardian

What: The last fantasy book they read or movie they saw. Ranging from Never-ending story to a full concept album of Silmarillion and back to Tommyknockers. Gloriously pompous.
Hates: Sauron, reality.
Quote: "Songs I will sing of tribes and kings - The carrion bird and the hall of the slain"

Who: Dropkick Murphys

What: Something that happened when they were at the pub and got drunk, working class issues.
Hates: Rich people, nazis, fancy drinks with tiny umbrellas.
Quote: "Kiss me, I'm shitfaced!"

Who: Flogging Molly

What: Something that happened at a slightly more posh pub, unemployment, the troubles of an Irishman in USA.
Hates: The man, Cromwell, American football
Quote: "It's the worst day since yesterday."
Fun fact: Dave King is the King in the world of music. No, not Kerry. Dave.

Who: Led Zeppelin

What: Sex, wizards, Vikings, drugs, anything cool and groovy.
Hates: That the 70s ended.
Quote: "I'm gonna give you every inch of my...."

Who: System of a down

What: Politics, USA and what is wrong with it, crazy stuff about bananas and sugar.
Hates: War, politicians, presidents, powers that be.
Quote: "They're trying to build a prison – for you and me to live in"
Fun fact: SOAD put pressure on the president by refusing to make any more tours or albums until USA was out of Iraq. Obviously this worked and after long negotiations with SOAD, Obama gave in and USA pulled mostly out of Iraq. SOAD is now mostly back on tour. Good for you SOAD, well done.

Who: Rage against the machine.

What: Much the same as SOAD, only less crazy and more funky.
Hates: Wall street, machines, corruption, politics.
Quote: "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!"

Who: Faanefjell

What: Trolls, devils and maidens, beer, more trolls.
Hates: Christians, washing their clothes, coordination.
Quote: "There is mold growing in my stage costume." Heard backstage.

Who: In Flames

What: Instead of doing therapy, they write a song about their issues. May contain jesters.
Hates: Paying for therapy, jotuns, sore throats.
Quote: "As the chosen pessimist, I carve my name in stone."
Fun fact: In Flames made a making of the album documentary where you can hear what is sounds like when you substitute drumsticks with penis.

Who: Gogol Bordello

What: Immigrants, punks, alcohol and the color purple.
Hates: American weddings, cops, minimum wages.
Quote: "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is vodka, where is marinated herring?"
Fun fact: Started out as a wedding band for Russians in USA.

Who: Type O Negative

What: Self-loathing, dead friends, dead girlfriends, cheating girlfriends, anything miserable.
Hates: Girlfriends, being the people they are, green lights.
Quote: "One, two, three, four – I don't want to live no more!"
RIP Peter Steele.

Who: Monster Magnet

What: Whatever Dave Wyndorf saw on his way to rehab. It will be wild.
Hates: Drugs. Probably.
Quote: All the lyrics are insane, but to quote Mr. Wyndorf "Don't do drugs, I can't even talk normal any more."

Who: Alice and the Mountain

What: Trains, big cities, the ocean, Davy Jones, hunting. Really.
Hates: Most of the same things I hate. Good deal.
Quote: "Big cities make me feel small, yet I can't fit in without having to crawl."

Who: Judas Priest

What: Leather, motorcycles, giant robots and the fact that it is ok to be gay and still love metal.
Hates: Mark Wahlberg, closets.
Quote: "Hell bent, hell bent for leather!"

Who: Moonspell

What: Goth porn in music form. There will be puns about vampires and sex. Like "Lickantrophy".
Hates: Celibacy, paying for child support.
Quote: "What better comfort can you find, than the serpents in my arms?"
Fun fact: I am certain there is a legion of single mothers in black velvet all over the globe bringing their kids to Moonspell concerts, pointing at Fernando Ribeiro on stage, going "That's your daddy."

Who: Woods of Ypres

What: The most bleak and depressive stuff you can imagine. It's like soaking your head in pure unhappiness. I really like it.
Hates: Life, cars. Not sure if the crash that killed the vocalist was an accident or not.
Quote: "I asked life for a second chance but life said no."

Who: Mastodon

What: Giant monsters, giant whales, giant everything, the ocean, Russians, goats, epic stories.
Hates: Dogs that eat collectibles, SOAD, conventional drumbeats.
Quote: "Split your lungs with blood and thunder - When you see the white whale."

Who: Nashville Pussy

What: Whisky, Dixieland, guns, sex, trailer park issues.
Hates: Pacifism, hair loss, lack of drugs, the north.
Quote: "This one goes out to all the neutral countries." Said live in Sweden. You could hear a pin drop.

Who: Konstrust

What: Bohemian life, lederhosen, peace and love, weird popreaggepunkrockcrossover stuff.
Hates: Rules, everything that isn't fun or nice, people who aren't bi-lingual.
Quote: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the fast beat, beat, beat."

Who: Paradise Lost

What: Life, death and all the bad stuff that happens in between.

Hates: Relationships, life, death, religion.

Quote: "AAAAAAS IIIIIIII DIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!"

Who: Johnny Cash

What: Burning rings, men in black, boys with girly names. And 50+ covers.
Hates: The fact that he spent his entire life creating original music, but is best remembered for the covers of other artists he made shortly before he died.
Quote: "And it burns, burns, burns – the ring of fire." A song his family refused to be used in a commercial for hemorrhoid treatment.

Last but not least: If you are in possession of a Luxus Leverpostei cd, throw it away and go to the dentist and ask him to punish you for your sins.

Sex and Violence (The one where we poke a bear and tell an old story)

Sex and violence was the name of the pilot for The Muppet Show, indicating that this was not Sesame street.
I thought I would start with something light, and you don't get more light than Kermit the frog, so now that we have done that, lets talk about rape.


Cat advised me against doing this topic, but some of the public discussions pushed my buttons, and I just have to. So, of course we hate rape. I repeat, I hate rape. Ok? Ok. I will now move slowly into some areas that are somewhat controversial. Men is no longer automatically blamed for rape and should not be, because, keep on reading, we have accepted the fact that men get raped too. Men rape women, women rape men, men rape men, women rape women, no animals will be involved.
However, men, as a rule of thumb*, are stronger than women and their general physiology and natural genetic baggage, make the men raping women scenario the most common. There is no question about how traumatic and life-changing experience this can be, no matter what gender and scenario we are talking about. It is horrible. So far I think we all agree.

So why do we have these huge blind spots when it comes to everything about rape? I'm sorry to say that common sense seems to have left this issue, and I also think that the feminist movement has done some damage in this case.
If we return to the commonly understood meaning of the phrase "It is always the man's fault, not the woman's" in these cases, I will agree, because the man is the criminal. The problem to me, is that this saying seems to make it ok for women and girls to behave, well, stupid. Women are indeed free to dress and behave as they feel like (within the law). That is such as it should be. No question about that. You have the right to do it. That doesn't mean that you should leave your good judgment at home when you go out. Yes, yes, I know, but listen here. I'm not saying that "she brought it on herself". It is the man who is in the wrong. But for the sake of everything that is good in this universe, try to minimize the risk you are taking. There seems to be some sort of stigma attached to saying this. It goes something as following – If you say that a rape victim in any way used poor judgment or question her behavior, you are saying that rape is ok. The sad fact is that rape happens. A lot. What if we treat it like any other crime, like murder or theft, and look at it again? I don't want to get robbed, I don't throw my wallet around late at night or leave my apartment unlocked. I don't go to parties with only strangers present, I try not to pick a fight when I'm drunk. If a gay friend gets frisky with his hands, I will tell him that this is not ok in a loud and clear voice. Maybe throw in a slap. You might say that this is different and doesn't apply. Well I think it does. But to be very specific, I would not go to a gay bar in leather pants and a fuck me-print on the back of my shirt, get totally hammered, go home with some random guy and ask to sleep on his sofa. I would call it poor judgment on my part if I did. If I got unwanted sexual attention in such a situation, I would still be the victim, because the attention would be unwanted, but I would try really hard not to put myself in said situation in the first place.
This is why I believe the feminist movement has done some harm to this issue. It has helped to raise awareness on the subject, which is good. It has also told all women that it is their right to not get raped, no matter what. This is very true. It is also incredibly naïve. You also have the right to not get murdered, but it could still happen. It should not happen but it does, saying it should not be so, doesn't make it true! Rape is much more common than murder. So logically, you would take more steps to avoid rape, than murder. Instead, some people seem to take none. They take anti-steps, they put themselves in the danger zone. Telling the rapist "only yes means yes, everything else means no", helps just as much as pointing out that murder is illegal as you are being stabbed to death.

Some men are bastards. Raised awareness and slogans have not changed this fact.** Most rapes are committed by someone who already knows the victim. This means that there are more bastards out there than one would think, or it just wouldn't be so. I suppose that this is a reflection of "the prettier the girl, then bigger the jerk syndrome", but this is a bit off topic and can wait for another time.
The betrayal from a "friendly rape" is monstrous, yet this is exactly what is most frequent. So that means that the danger zone and the comfort zone is overlapping. It is a scary thought, I know, but that doesn't mean we should lock the thought away behind bars, we cannot deny something to be considered just because it is uncomfortable. But what the hell is one supposed to do to, what steps can possibly be taken to protect yourself against people you know and maybe trust? Well, I don't really know, but I'd say you should be damn sure you really do trust them before you put yourself in a situation where something could happen. I'm not saying you should live your life in constant fear of everyone. I'm saying that you probably should use your instincts and intellect, take into consideration that men you know could be total bastards, and be careful.


If you the reader are a rape victim, I'm very sorry. If you take offence from something I've said, I'm also very sorry. I say what I say to prevent this from happening in the future, not as therapy for what has happened before. If you are not a victim and still take offence, you can make any and all complaints to my lawyer, Potatobeak the Cat.


 I will end with a true story. This is the improbable tale of how I became the protector of muslim virginity in St. Petersburg.***


 At the age of 18 I was in my last year of school, and as was tradition, all senior students took a trip to St. Petersburg in Russia to study history and culture aka getting totally shitfaced for 10 days or so.
How the small contingent of teachers managed several busloads of mostly drunk and horny 18-19 year olds loose in Russia, I don't know, but they seemed to have a good time too.
We stayed at an enormous hotel smack in the center of town, it was seriously huge. It had internal shops, not bars, well obviously there were plenty of bars there too, where you could buy vodka by the bucketful for a pittance. This was quite the opportunity for Norwegian students who were used to buy a pittance of alcohol for a bucketful of money. We would have epic parties at night and try to grab what sleep we could on the bus between the hermitage and the ballet. It was quite absurd.
Several other groups of students were staying at the hotel, including some Germans and Norwegian in the same part of the building as us. I got to know some of the Germans, and went to some of their parties.**** They were really nice guys. One night, some tour guide or teacher from another group was understandably pissed about our rampage, and as the most functional thinking (though somewhat drunk) Norwegian speaking person around, I had to act as a liaison for all the students and found myself put in charge of keeping some sort of order. Threats about hotel security were made. I still think they were the Russian mafia. Well, ok then. I want to grant the teacher who made me responsible for an entire floor of drunk multinational students while intoxicated in Russia one billion life points. Well done you.
Anyways, at one point I noticed a pair of feet being dragged around a corner. I decided to follow and saw the same feet disappear through a door. I had not yet seen The Hostel, but the imagination went berserk just the same, so I entered the room ready for anything. Turned out to be some Norwegian girls from another school, who had "kidnapped" some of my German comrades who were to drunk to stand. Three or four girls and three or four guys, all in a couple of big beds put together. The Germans came around and found themselves in beds surrounded by pretty girls. What followed contains a bit of fuzzy thinking on everyone's part, but in retrospect, it was just luck that made everything turn out ok. After a quick chat it was suggested that I stayed, not in a hanky panky way, but as a failsafe against it. Yes, I'm ever so lucky, I always get the fun jobs. The situation was a bit awkward, but hey, a free show is a free show and I was supplied with free drinks, so I stayed. The guys talked German to each other and English to the girls. The girls of course understood German but did not let this be known. It was quickly understood that the girls were leading the boys on and constantly moving the borders for what was accepted, but ended up saying no every time. The guys on the other hand wanted me out of the room in belief that my presence was the only thing keeping rock and roll from happening, which was sort of right. At one point they lifted me up and threw me out, but I quickly made my way back in and insisted that one of the girls told me what the blog was going on. And so she explained that they all were muslim, second generation immigrants from turkey or some such, so third base was out of the question. They wanted to try everything else though, and had so decided that I was a perfect chaperon to stop things from going too far. Oh humanity. I thought this was stupid and unfair play, as the Germans didn't know the whole deal, so I promptly told one of them. He was not happy, but told the other guys. The other guys of course still wanted me out. I then sent one of the girls to my room to bring me the box from beneath my bed. This box contained a replica of a medieval flail I had picked up in Stockholm. This made the girls very amused, but the guys reacted just like I hoped and freaked. After some negotiations we agreed I would keep the flail in the fridge (sic) and everyone would behave. So I spent most of the night getting drunk watching TV with my flail in the fridge while protecting the honor of some Turkish-Norwegian girls who wanted to explore their sexuality. Hooray.

The point of this story, besides being slightly entertaining, is that it was pure blogging chance that brought me to that room in time and space. I can of course not say what would or wouldn't have happened, if these people were left alone, but come on people, danger zone. Poor judgment. Just saying.

 *Which has nothing to do about beating your wife with a stick. What so ever.

**And it probably never will.

***100% true.

****I was still able to speak broken German in those days, and that is hilarious when you are drunk.